I, in my 21 years of my life can say have been evolved, my views changed, my opinion become vivid and more expressive, all these years what I wanted to do with my life also chanced, in this phase what I want remained variable. It’s good to say, all transition are for better. Change is constant, and with change we grow, I can say I have grown for better.
I have born in peshawar, Bahana mari, my grand father’s house. But after 5 years of my birth we migrated to charsadda station where I have spend next 9 years of my life. After migration to peshawar again, we’ve been living in Ittehad colony, peshawar, till today.
In my childhood, I was introvert, shy and kind of religiously superstitious boy like rest of boys, I would led the way to everything asked by my parents to do so. I was loved by all, I was nicknamed Spina (white) because I was very white in my childhood, now become white brown. I am telling about this because I was very famous for it and it is in my mind till now.
I forget very easily, I think I am suffering for kind of disease which cause forgetfullness. But I remember some part of my childhood as vivid as it were tomorrow. Many does.
I remember the large fields of our hometown in charsadda, I remember the cricket we played in evening, I remember being everyone’s laadla (Favourite) because of that I would received many kisses on cheeks, head and sometimes else where too, I hated all of it, because of this hate I begun biting people – their hands, face or even buttocks (funny, isn’t it). I remember climbing up to trees to reside therein for hours, I remember the plays of hide and seek, the digging of holes to play benori (a kind of play, where we have to put a tiny ball into hole and then target another small ball, in order to get extra balls for it), I remember it all, and consider it very cute.
Now we’ve grown up and all suddenly become past, now I have become matured and have responsibilities and challenges to meet.
It’s the teenage phase of my life that I hardly remember, most of things I have done, I forget all. I will throw light on some if I do remember.
Foremost or what I remember was about my operation, I have never seen doctor’s scissors except for once and I remember it, will be in my mind for long on. I was in school, was very shy these days, introvert and get bullied easily by so called kings of class, it was break during classes, we were roaming around suddenly a gang of bulliers started bullying me, laughing at me, ridiculing and made mockery of my appearance (I was very simply and fool) they were hard on me, started kicking me, suddenly one of them kicked me on balls – the most sacred part of a man, the pain made me crazy but I endured it as I couldn’t do anything nor could tell anyone as I was dumb shy. The pain healed but damage happened.
The pain lessened was I was okay but started some pain everyday, I though its just a regular pain so I didn’t think much about it, it was due to my non-expressive nature that made me suffer testical cancer ( Complete damage of tissues).
When the pain got unbearable I then told mom about it, they suddenly got appointment and took me to doctor, he recomended some X-ray and tests, we spend whole day doing that, after examination of my tests reports. Doctor asked us to come tomorrow and murmured with my parents. Ofcourse it was about my operation.
On next day mom didn’t give me anything to eat, left me hungry despite constant requests ( some kind of requirement for operation, recommended by doctor) We when arrived at doctor’s clinic they send me to operation theatre, the nurses gave me injections while bulps were switched on, I began to faint.
When I wake up, I found myself speaking crazythings with cancerous testis removed.
Till one month I was at home doing just nothing, these were boring days of my life.
Second thing I remember about my teenage was my forced and secret artificial engagement to XYZ (my first cousin).
My mom was anxious and tensed these days. She suddenly started asking me about marriage. I was 15-16 years that time, was in class 9th, she asked me to marry on her wish, my sisters also said the same thing, I refused all and asked mom what’s my age and why is you asking these questions form little boy like me. She then started to talk about ayesha (she was 14-15 that time) – how beautiful she is, how she has big eyes, flat nose, white colour, smart body and all, which didn’t worked on me that’s why I reject this proposal.
The context behind this was the fact that my mom’s sister was constantly presssuring and asking my mom to have her on his son’s (me) name otherwise we are going to give her hand to someone else and you might regret later. She called 10 times for this purpose and asked my mom to conform her for me. My mom pity her as she was from poor family background and complied.
Then time goes on, I began to embark on journey to school’s hostal, we called workshop. I was completely oblivious at what happening or happened at home.
They’ve called her parents and said ayesha is ours but keep this secret, they responded with sending sweets to relatives, making it public. Thus, famous me with ayesha, despite that I didn’t know what happened.
Mom asked my dad that it’s at irfan will we are doing that and he has no objection which was complete lie, anyhow, the wrost happened.
Life was normal after exams, I was busy enjoying my life. I sense some different in attitudes of her family toward me, giving me eggs, things or kissing and hugging started by her house elders. I began to doubt – After one year, in November, I got to know about it, my little sister told me, I was hypered, asked them why have they done this but no one wanted to reply but ignored me like my consent is nothing.
From that time my animosity with my family members started, all my fault was going against their wishes.
Now the phase of hypocrisy arrived, all of my family started saying different things, that you should give chance – atleast one. As she don’t deserve to be rejected that way.
They all started emotional manipulation, auguing with me about her, showing me her pictures, talking about her and everything was about her. I gave in to pressure and thought to give her a chance if she’s of my nature, then I’ll accept it if not then I will revolt.